Archives > September 2006

Monday, September 25 2006

Changing places without means

I recently got to talking to my aunt, who besides being a doctor and gynecologist is also a very talented psychotherapist, about all the changes I've been going through. Also, I specifically spoke to her about a strange dream I had about 2 weeks ago.

I dreamt I was single and supposed to celebrate with 3 old friends who I don't really talk to anymore. Turns out that instead of heading for a hot spot to celebrate our singlehood we end up in a bio restaurant which offers low-fat food and health remedies. After boring our asses to death we jump back in the car and the driver takes each person back home. Everyone except me, because I left my car parked in a huge covered parking lot; so she takes me to the level she had picked me up at and leaves. I start walking down this huge spiral, down and down... and I can't seem to find my car. As I keep travelling down I see the parking lot is emptying out but all I see is the ground spiralling down and away, branching to left and right wings, orange, red, yellow areas of the parking lot.

I am in huge trouble and I call my father, he comes to help me and we decide to talk to the lot attendant. The guy comes up to me and says, "I can find your car but first you gotta give me your number." Heck, I say no but as I am turned around I see my father giving him my number. The dream ends when I blast out of the room careless of whether I will find my car, heck I don't want to sell myself short.

My aunt said that this spiral although it kynetically shows a downward movement, travelling down along it actually means going ahead, wanting to change, but at the same time my subconscious realizes that first I need to find my roots, the foundation that makes me the person I am... only in that way I can build myself back up to witstand life.

My father represents the masculine figure that is in me but is also emblematic because (as can also be seen in this dream) I realize it is a figure I can count on but for limited situations.

The parking lot attendant represents deceit, blackmail, doing things under heavy conditions. By walking away from this I am willing to change and not accept deceipt, with or (in this case) without my means of transportation, my tools to go from A to B.

It's crazy how some weird dream can symbolize what we feel deep down inside. Whenever we dream we are getting in touch with our deep selves, the part of us that heart and brain don't have the care to listen to. I wish I could listen to my subconscious more often damn it, because it seems that no matter how much I plan and prepare myself, neither heart nor head are getting me in the right situations.

All I got now is my spiral, no car to run through it and away from. I am on foot, I am alone, but I know, sooner or later, I'll be able to come out of it. No matter what, I know I am not afraid to put myself on the line, at least I am willing to try.

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Sunday, September 24 2006

Sky is the limit

Don't think I have forgotten I had my site, don't think I have not missed writing my feelings down. I have been trying to get away from too many rotten situations, I would love to sit down and explain everything to you but unfortunately too many people read this site and some of them, I don't care to tell them how I feel right now or how events unfolded.

Let's just say that I've been trying to get back up from a fall, that I am confused and slightly bruised but not at all weak. I would love to do so many things right now.

The first wish which is going to come true is my first trip to America since 2003. It's been long overdue, too many agents have been in the way to stop me from spending even a week there, but now I realize that no matter what, nobody should take away my freedom and love for the US.

America will always be there for me, and, money permitting, I am going to be able to go there as much as I want to... all I have to do is want it and wish something for myself.

So I'm going from December 27 to January 6th and over there I hope to get back in touch with ALL my good friends who I miss very much and am anxious to visit.

I would also love to start a darn web design coure, how long have I been wishing to that?

I would love to redo my house with new furniture, renew everything.

I renewed my membership at the gym for 1 year and guess what, yesterday I started my first class in bellydancing ROFL! I think it's hilarious but heck, what's stopping me now?

Sky's the limit!