Friday, November 3 2006

The plan is working

Thinking about myself

People I have finally started my web design education! People that know me well know how long I've been wishing to get into the field, if I think back I'd say since 1999... I've always had the dream to become a professional, to build the foundation, to develop a deeper understanding of the profession.

I looked into several design schools here in Italy and the only decent one offered a 2-year full time program which cost a fortune. I don't have the time for school anymore, at least not full time. I gotta pay my bills and besides, I couldn't think about going back to rely on my parents financially.

So I decided to sign up for an advanced web design certificate at sessions.edu, and two days ago I started my first class... I am so excited about it!! I'll have to work hard though because I switched some basic courses with advanced ones that don't sound like a walk in the park.

Plus, since I have been thinking about renovate my house, this constuction worker came by to give me an estimate, I need to:

KITCHEN

- Strengthen the kitchen walls

- retile

- lower ceiling

OFFICE

- carry the cables from one room to another, take away an old couch

BATHROOM

- redo completely

Plus the walls should be painted fresh

I suspect that with this work and including new kitchen and living room I should spend 15000 Euros... thankfully I'll be able to pay for it bit by bit, but damn it's gonna be big! I don't have a lot of savings aside, but at least I'll be investing money on my living space, my vital surroundings.

Before this entry ends, I gotta recommend the resolutions chart for you too. If you look to your right you'll see mine. It's useful to prioritize your necessities, keep up with them and during the times you feel blue look back to see how many things you did for youself. I am gonna check the web design course now, and turn the red point under "renew house" to yellow (that means it's under way!).

Guys, I'm doing so much for myself and it feels so good! I feel really alive right about now...

----------

Mya - Tears on My Pillow Lyrics

Ooh
Now it's official
You're out of my life
Too many tears I've cried
I'm leaving the moments
Behind on the shelf
Believing in you
Was hard for myself

All your apologizes
Outside the door
I can't waste my time on you anymore
I've fallen much deeper than this before

[Chorus]
There's no tears on my pillow
No room for crying
No tears on my pillow
I left them behind
And I found me a better place
Somewhere inside
And I know I won't cry these tears any more



Can't say I'm selfish
I trust in my heart
I know what I want
And it tears you apart
Don't worry about me
Thinking of you
My days are filled
With too much to do



The whole world is waiting
For me to explore
I can't waste my time on you anymore
I've fallen much deeper than this before

[Chorus]

No regrets, no sadness
You're not the first and you're not the last man
Somehow you had me trapped in your web
But it won't be raining
When I hang my head down, oh



No tears on my pillow
I left them behind
And I found me a better place
Somewhere inside
And I know I won't cry these tears
Won't cry these tears anymore, ooh
Tears on my pillow, ooh
No more tears on my pillow, oh
 

Friday, October 27 2006

I am in need of innovation

La mia Casa

So I took today off for vacation, I did absolutely nothing special, but knowing I have 3 days off instead of 2 this weekend will give me a little more strength to clean around my house which is perpetually messy.

After teaching this afternoon I went to this show about homes with Sabina.

It was supposed to be a place dedicated to houses, and include furniture and other things.

The fair wasn't all that great, it was really small, plus there was only expensive furniture... for example a parete attrezzata (entertainment center for the living room) cost between 6000-7000 euros at least. And as I was looking through the stands I kept wondering just what was all the fuss about the nice wood.

I mean yes, a nice piece of furniture lasts longer, but in my opinion, why would I want to live with a really nice, expensive entertainment center for 20 years when I can buy one that costs a third of that and after 7/10 years change it and buy a new one? I know that good things last long but come on, 7000 Euros for just an entertainment set and what about the other stuff, like the couch, the dining room table, the bedroom, the office furniture... do I have to spend 70.000 euros for a magazine house?

Should I opt for the modern, minimalistic things that look cool but nothing fits in them?

Should I choose everything white, which looks slick and fashionable but also resembles a loony bin? What if I go for the furry rugs that would probably last about 10 days with tigro's wild claws? And I don't even have a kid with a permanent marker! I mean, as nice as a house could look, are we supposed to take pictures and show it to jealous friends or are we supposed to live in it?

I guess I am not stylish enough to want the top, I just want a healthy choice in the middle.

Monday, October 23 2006

I SWEAR TO GOD I DON'T UNDERSTAND MEN

What the fuck??

The more I try the more I am left wondering what goes on in their heads, they give you black and they are thinking white, they tell you one thing and they do another.

I reckon the only way to get along with a man and to hang out in his personal space for more than a week is to think and act like a man...

Now don't try and code this message, it's just as random as can be... there are too many snoopers out there!

----------

Water, Earth, Wind, Fire

I'm water

an endless fountain from which you can quench your thirst

a fresh flow of coolness that refreshes you

but show me unappreciation

and sooner then you realize

I'll just float away

and you'll be left wandering in your deserted loneliness

I'm earth

my bountiful resource of strength and character

a large amount of richness that fills you

but show me disrespect

and sooner then you will discover

I'll just crumble away

and you'll be left wandering at your once full fist

I'm wind

this infinite quantity of ideality and dynamism

a chilly blow of courage that surprises you

but take me for granted

and sooner then you will see

I'll just drift away

and you'll be left wandering in your stale nothingness

I'm fire

an everlasting blazing hotness and sensuality

a steady flame that brings you passion

but give me nothing in return

and sooner then it will be too late

I'll just die away

and you'll be left wandering in your pathetic emptiness

So much I would have given you,

my world, my life, my heart eventually

I would have given you my good and bad

my ups and downs

my sweet and sour

my right and wrong

I would have shown you my entire complexity

now I can't believe I'm dedicating you these last words

too refreshing, too full, too surprising, too passionate

for you

that showed me nothing but unappreciation, disrespect, arrogance and selfishness

so here ends my poem as all the thoughts I'll dedicate you

I'll tuck you away in my closet of illusions

I'll put you in a box with return to sender

I'll miss you for the idea I had of you

for what I thought you could have given me

for what I thought we could have been.

Sunday, October 22 2006

Ci siamo o è un'altro buco nell'acqua?

Unsatisfied

This weekend was totaly shit. I woke up on Saturday with a slight pain to my neck but I had so many things to do, including my bellydance course, that I said to myself "come on, get up, it's not like you need your neck for that, just use your belly" therefore I went and took the class and afterwards proceeded to Esselunga for the weekly grocery shopping.

I was dragging around a basket full of stuff (why, WHY don't I grab a damn cart) and my neck kept getting worse by the minute, always more and more pain! Let's not get into the improvized rugby match against the careless passerbys while I was looking desperately for paper towels (fruit and veggies section??????????) and to reach the cash register beat.

I was practically able to look left and right and tilt the head to the right, but if I tried tilting the head in the opposite direction it was a looooooooooot of pain and suffering.

Despite all that I went to the vet to take Tigro who has been ripping out all the fur off his back things, it turns out he has a fungus and I have to medicate him and stop him from sleeping with him until he is cured. That fuckin' sucks, but I hope he gets better soon... he totally looks like he needs my love unfortunately I can't cuddle up with him otherwise I'll get the fungus too and that would suck ...

So to all my wonderful American friends who keep telling me I live the good life, just remember your girl who spent Saturday night at home unable to move her head, with a cat with a fungus meowing in the other room. Cheers to me!

----------

Mariah Carey - The One Lyrics

Wednesday, October 18 2006

I've got to stop drooling over men who can't give me what I am looking for

Superpowers

I keep wanting to stay home when I wake up in the morning, looking for a plausible excuse to call out of work... am I sick? Yes, I feel a fever coming or... do I need to go to the bank and such and take a full day off? or... Should I just sleep some more and get to work 2 hours later? or... Should I get my ass up, get to work and then take two hours off and leave early?

I hate cold seasons, always have. I hate the fact that getting up is a bitch because when the alarm goes off in the morning it's still dark outside, you are lying down under your cozy comforter, in your flannel pajamas, with only your forehead sticking out. Plus you wasted time chatting with friends on MSN the night before, or stayed up to flip over Vanity Fair or to read the latest book so you are absolutely BEAT.

Another problem with getting up in the morning is all the hassle. My aunt recently took my blood pressure and told me it's extremely low and I must take some vitamins or I could even faint. Great, I think to myself, so I remember my friend Silvia telling me that in order to raise her pressure she eats a banana every day. Does that work? I have no idea, but I don't mind considering the fact that bananas are pretty good; if she had told me to eat a plate of broccoli I would have been glad to keep my low blood pressure.

Next awfulness of the morning is the commute to work. Now it isn't even cold yet so it's not as bad but I just picture leaving the house under the rain, cold and wind attacking you mercilessly... and the trip on the subway! Yup, if ever asked I've always said "If only I could have a superpower, it would be teleportation!"

Let's think about the things I would do if I was able to teleport myself right now:

1) teleport myself back to 6pm this evening when I left work so I could enjoy a few hours chilling

2) take a trip to the US in a single snap (or a head tilt "I Dream of Genie" style) and rob a Victoria's Secret store

3) snap myself on a hot date with this Brad Pitt look-alike I met up with at lunchtime today

4) suddenly find myself in Japan snapping pictures of Mt. Fuji and strolling around a busy Tokyo street

5) travel around without having to waste time in cars or subways, trains or planes in general

Ok, those are all the normal things I could think of now. It would be so nice. Now I'm gonna stop babbling and get to bed... maybe tonight I'll make the miracle of going to bed before midnight... yes, it would be so much easier to wake up tomorrow morning... and start all over again.

Sunday, October 15 2006

There is so much to do, so many places to go, so many people to see

yet I sit with my nothingness in hand, no idea which direction to take, feeling terribly alone.

Obika

This weekend went by too quickly just as any other weekend... while on Saturday I worked, went to the gym and introduced Tigro to my family, on Sunday I went to Obika for brunch. This is a place I had accidentally discovered while on my way to happy hour with some colleagues, turns out they are specialized in mozzarella cheese and cook it in a whole lot of different ways.
I didn't even have dinner tonight, because I'm still so full from today! This is a place a cheese hater would kill himself in because just about everything there was made out of cheese. As you know well, I happen to love cheese so I was in heaven! I totally recommend it...

It's been really strange lately, trying to get used to the kitten in my life, I am absolutely loving it. Turns out that ever since I closed that door I was talking about earlier I have been doing a lot, I mean let's just consider:

1) I bought my ticket to the US

2) I adopted Tigro

3) I am working on refurnishing my house

4) I took up a bellydance course

5) I am seriously considering a design course

Isn't this a whole lot to accomplish since the end of summer? Let's just hope this isn't some subconscious way to avoid suffering. Sometimes I wonder if the person I am looking for is actually out there... and worst of all I wonder if once found that person will be looking for me as well or for another type. It's a dilemma when you are alone, you start to look at things from a different prospective... you look ahead blindfolded, like playing a children's game you hope to grab something who doesn't just seem right but once you remove the blindfold will be at least half decent. Ok I hate getting philosophical because when I do I don't make any sense.

I'm just going to continue looking ahead without many expectations, because as someone said to me recently, the more serious the story you ended was, the more difficult it will be to start a brand one, and to give it an equivalent chance.

Let's just let time pass by, the wind sweep away the summer leaves, the rain to wash away the dust on the ground, the cool breeze to bring in a breath of fresh air...

Thursday, October 12 2006

More pictures of Tigro

So back from popular demand (damn it Freddie we wanna see pictures of your baby) here are more pictures of my kitten... everyone who has seen him thought he was a lot bigger by seeing the previous pictures... while no!! he's only 40 days old!!!! 

Sunday, October 8 2006

Mellow weekend

So it's been like twilight zone this weekend. I have been taking care of Tigro the entire time, in between watching out for him to jump off my high bed to desperately trying to teach him the word "NO" (still haven't succeded) while he was trying to climb up my bedroom curtains. At one point he'd be sleeping, the next he'd just get up and run like mad towards the window to "whoosh!!!" swing on the curtains hanging on with his tiny claws (that sigh have already dug several small but painful scratches on my flesh).

To think that when Sabina and I went to rescue him from the vet office's cage with the sign "free kittens" he looked so peaceful! I happened to see him while I was on my way to lunch earlier and decided I had to take him home with me. Since the vet is not around the corner from my house (a trolley ride is necessary) and I didn't have a carrier the nurse took a small cardboard box with holes and put him in there taping the box twice. Sabi and I left the office all happy, chilling, peeking at the kitten through the small holes... the trolley passed by, we got on and sat happily thinking of what name to give him.

Suddenly I look down and I see his head and arms are outside of the box how the fuck did he do that?? So I push him back down and he starts going bezerk he practically starts chewing off the box and pushing with his little head to open up the top!! I start to panic because we are on a fucking trolley and I don't know how to make this little shit stop... so I think about when Gnau (RIP) and Petite used to be scared in their carriers, I'd just stick my finger in there so they'd smell my presence and feel more assured. FUCK THAT IDEA... because the kitten thought my finger was some kind of tension reliever, he took such a huge bite out of it digging his little pointy teeth in my finger that I didn't know how to pull away! I swear to God people, 2 small holes in my fingers! A loooot of pain!
So Sabina took the kitten out of the box and held it close to her... he kept wanting to get away but thank goodness her nerves were a lot more stable than mine (I was thinking already damn me what the hell have I done I've adopted fucking hannibal lecter). After a trolley ride that seemed to take centuries we got home and the kitten first ran around out of control, then calmed himself down a lot.

Today for example he took complete control of me by sitting on my lap and meowing incessantly if I didn't keep him there. Last night he slept on my bed attached to my leg... I friggin love this little monster! It's crazy, you look at him and see a sweet little thing while he's a beast and a half! I just hope he'll tone it down a little bit... to think Sabina was trying to talk me into getting 2 kittens PLEASE!!!! Thank heavens I'm not that stupid... yet.

Friday, October 6 2006

MEET TIGRO

My kitten!!

Monday, October 2 2006

Shutting doors, finding  new ones

After ending this story I've learned how much I have changed. After dedicating years of my life to make something work, to build something stable and detailed, I've seen my card castle once standing strong on the hill slowly crumbling down to a pile of insignificant paper.

I spent so much time carefully placing its pieces, looking at it from the distance, measuring it, decorating it, that through it I completely lost track of the things that are really important in life.

I hate the fact that EVERYONE I know reads this blog, sometimes I wish some people would just mind their own business. Anyhow, all I know is that in life I am on my own, through the ups and downs, through all trials and tribulations, it's like this Powerpoint presentation I once received, it's like travelling on a train through life and towards the future, and during this time people may jump on and come along with you during your trip, and just as quickly as they got on, just as anonymously they suddenly filled out your life they have no problem getting off and leaving you to wonder what the point of their company was.

A long time ago I used to tell my aunt that I felt like I was standing in a hallway full of open doors and that I didn't know which ones to close and which one to actually walk through. So far I am shutting doors, I am trying to build my castle once again but instead of placing it on a far away hill I'm placing it in somewhere I know well, where I know it can grow to be elegant and strong, well lived in.

Finding new doors... well, there's one. But since I am a different person now I have decided, that nothing, no matter how much it gets to me, will make me rush through the game of life. After all, how good is a castle quickly built on paper when you can have bricks and time to place them?

PAST MONTH