Monday

So, I just got back from the theatre, I finally saw "The Da Vinci Code" and since its Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou star in Columbia Pictures' The Da Vinci Code

Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou star in Columbia Pictures' The Da Vinci Code

beginning I was a bit dubious because of all the negative comments it had received from the critics. Yes, this is a big problem of mine, I can't seem to trust a movie if it doesn't have good reviews, even if many times I happen to enjoy a flick even though it was bombed by popular media.

I gotta say I wasn't disappointed, I mean, the directing was great, storyline was faithful to the book (even if unfortunately a lot of proving facts mentioned by Dan Brown were excluded to respect times), the actors... well Tatou was pretty good, Tom Hanks is the best actor out there (although I don't think he was completely convincing as Robert Langdon).

It lacked the typical Hollywood action, perhaps because the viewer was supposed to get attached to the plot, not the chase. But my idea is this, perhaps the movie is not getting such great comments because:

1) Who has read the book enjoys the film but isn't particularly surprised because it's already a given

2) Who hasn't read the book leaves a bit confused and baffled, because there just isn't enough time in a movie to back up such a hazardous theory.

I think it was good though, I give it a nice B... and suggest everyone with a decent brain to watch it. The only thing that disturbed it all were the little teenager kids that kept talking and laughing, them wannabe thugs with the trucker hats and the low pants... I would have murdered them with Silas' lash!!

So it's 1am and it's two nights in a row that I fed my stomach pizza... tomorrow it's gonna be evening at home eating heathy foods and such!

I thought about doing something different and took Sinem out to celebrate her birthday (which was Thursday)... first we went to a pizzeria that makes great pizza, I used to go all the time when I lived on Conte Rosso St.... and afterwards we decided to try this bar called "Posto di Ristoro e di Conversazione" (which means place of rest and conversation) which was so cute! You basically order and have several board games to choose from, then there are televisions, music, karaoke machines, live animation during some nights... there are also theme nights (tonight was beer party) when certain drinks cost less and they even give you stuff to nibble on like salame on Mondays and even bread with Nutella on Thursdays!

After playing a great game of scrabbe Sinem and I left at after midnight, I think they were about to serve the free midnight pasta dish... great place! Homely, laid back, friendly, easygoing.

Ok, so I cheated... it's still Friday but since I already have a post for Friday here's a poem I wrote "yesterday," I just thought I'd share it with you...

Is this time away from us making you realize you're looking for something else?

Last night after the gym I went out with Sabrina and Silvia to have a pizza, we had such a great time! We got to sit

down and talk about our situations and it was so good to hear their input on my life considering the fact that an unbiased, outside opinion from someone who isn't influenced by stupid details helps you see the bigger picture of it all.

Turns out we each have very similar situations, and this makes me feel like less of a shit! So yesterday, after getting hit on by strange guys at the gym and this guy in front of the restaurant we sat down and had an AMAZING pizza, I went all the way, screwed the ulcer for a minute (I am feeling the consequences of that this morning) and had myself a "Boys Pizza" with french fries and hot dog on it... damn! Talk about taking a tiring 1-hour step class and throwing it all into the trash!

We got to talking about the typical man and it turns out (surprise surprise) that we are all looking for the same thing, here are the requirements for perfection, in no particular order:

THE DREAM GUY	THE GREAT GUY
1) Hot as hell, but not into supermodels, he prefers us and appreciates our little jiggles. Also charming and sexy, mysterious but not "confusion-omigosh-is-he-interested-or-not" puzzling	1) Good appearance (and that varies, there are so many guys who aren't the best looking but are nice and charming, therefore they become great in your eyes)
2) Rich and successful, but down to earth and humble. Respected but not terrifying.	2) With a decent job, motivated and with a few bucks saved in his bank account, he would like to start something with you and is only waiting for the right moment
3) Motivated and ambitious, but he wishes to give us all the attention our wonderful selves require	3) Wishes to do something good in his life, and that means having a family and a nice job and not spend all his money on stupid shit
4) Rolling-on-the-floor-laughing sense of humor, so great all your friends cannot stop talking about how hilarious he is, yet able to stop and act serious during important moments (the moments during which we are pissy or cranky and feel like complaining about something)	4) Fun to be with, someone who knows how to make you smile/laugh and who knows when it's not time for humor if you are pissy
5) Intelligent but not nerdy or braggy about it. In other words he should be able to witstand a conversation on politics as well as one on the upcoming Nelly Furtado record.	5) Intelligent enough to have a common ground conversation about most everyday topics
6) He needs to be independent, which means he needs to know how to iron his shirts, cook, clean, and of course be clean himself. We are not going to expect him to be the maid, but he needs to know what a working woman goes through having to iron a trillion shirts and cook dinner EVERY DAMN DAY. Also, the ideal man helps out if needed, without request from us.	6) Able to help out with housework even if he's not great at it, at least he understands it's hard for you on your own
7) He needs to have his interests and have friends of his own, then again he also needs to give us his attention and at times skip watching his soccer team to take us to a nice exibit on Marilyn Monroe or to a chick flick that comes out at the movies.	7) He needs to listen to us and stop watching the game if we have something important to say.
8) He needs to know what generally pleases a woman, and please don't make me get into details because if you don't know what pleases a woman then go buy a fuckin' manual.	8) Cool, not loser-like or insecure (and that means in EVERY important situation, if you know what I mean)
9) He needs to be completely, totally, incredibly into us, so into us that he needs not turn around and stare at some tart's ass while she's walking down the street wearing nothing but a shirt that looks like a skirt.	9) Ok, he can check out that girl's ass if it's nice, but only once in a blue moon
10) Your mom loves him and brags to her friends about how happy you are... you dad wants to hang out with him and become his best friend... your girlfriends dream of someone like him (but of course he doesn't give a damn about anyone but you)... your colleagues envy you... your dogs want to play fetch with him...	10) Your mom tolerates him, your dad doesn't mind him, your girlfriends think you make a great couple, your colleagues envy you and your dogs are not afraid of him.

So yesterday we search for the Ideal Man... the one in the first list... ok, let's look into point 1, we look around the weight room, there are a bunch of great looking guys but they are ALWAYS at the gym and what does this make you think? That all they do is lift weights and work is their last priority, also they don't appear to have intellectual interests such as reading... even a magazine.

Then we find the guy who is leaving the gym, dressed elegantly in his suit, boy he's gotta be successful! But the ones who don't look like complete assholish pigs are tiny and dorky looking, old and loser-like or even worse.... MARRIED.

Here comes the next decent question: why do we pamper ourselves, dress up, glamorize ourselves when the opposite sex is so indifferent? And if the opposite sex is not indifferent and they pamper themselves comes the next question... are they gay or are they only into themselves?

So good day to all! this morning I came into work and ran into Mary Poppins. Yes, you heard right... she had her brownish hair up in a bun and wore strange black flowery lace tights with little

black shoes, a calf-length black skirt and a white shirt with a tight bodice and puffy sleeves... when I saw her walking quickly past me I thought "holy fuck, that's Mary Poppins" then I thought spring is here, flowers bloom, sun comes out, and so do spooky clothes out of hibernation.

Of course I'm not one to judge, it's not like I wear matching Prada, Versace, or D&G stuff... but hell, at least I don't come to work in my halloween costume!

This morning I'm in the typical I-just-don't-give-a-fuck mood, I'm ignoring the world around me and typing away this rambling post. Damn life is so repetitive! Before I ran into Ms. Poppins I thought "gawwwwwwwd I am so sick and tired of this routine, I'm even sick and tired of walking!" then I figure running into Ms. Poppins brought some kind of change to my boring morning, until I ran into my colleague who is dressed exactly the same way she was yesterday.

It's often hard in life to turn a page, we never know what is on the other side, and it's a risk. It's either we find something better and tell ourselves "damn, why did I spend all that time on a page that's half as good as this one?" or unfortunately, we could run into something worse, something that makes us regret of the step we made, of the things we gave up in the process. And in that situation we can't do anything but compare the new page to the older, better one.

At times, we are so unhappy with the new page that we make the old page seem heaven knows, incredible, uncomparable, the best, the most missed... when really the reason why we turned the page, we must remember, is because we weren't fully satisfied with the one we were on.

But closing a book. Closing a book, and moving on to a new one... it's not about pages, where the story changes but continues with a steady flow, changing books is the biggest risk ever. And how hard it is to change books, to go all of a sudden from a classic novel to an action story, from a tranquil pleasant read to a thriller. What makes us think that the newer book is better? Do we need to have a new book in order to close the one we currently are on?? Or do we need to take a pause of reflection to figure out which story we really want, which plot we want to continue reading, are we sure that the book we are reading that got boring in time isn't going to get better again?

Yes, it's best to close the book, to ignore the new one, to ponder what we really want in life. Because of course books in my conversation with you aren't just material paperbacks that we buy at the bookstore for a few euros... this is our life, our decisions, our paths, our future. I have changed way too many books in my past, and it's best that I take my next steps carefully.

What do I really want in life? What do I want in a job, what do I want in a man, what do I want in a family... most importantly, what do I want in myself?

A long time ago an older friend of mine (who by the way I still talk to once in a while) told me that in life we go through certain steps, at these points our person changes drastically because we mature and adapt to circumstances we didn't even consider before. He told me that the person I was at the time (I was 19) would never be the same person she would be at 25... and he was right. At that age I had different problems, different worries, but I adapted to be able to face them. I feel like I am at a step right now... and probably, in a few years, I'll think back to this period and think... why was I so immature? Why didn't I realize, back in those days, what I really wanted out of life?

Yes, I see it, it's a high wall, higher than any wall I've seen so far... it's a new stage, a new growth in my life, I am contemplating and looking at this wall which right now seems way too high to climb... one day though, soon hopefully, I'll be able to make it, because this is what life is about. It is about choices. Because getting old but remaining still is impossible... I must move forward, to which direction I don't know yet...

Back in college I took a psychology class and among the very few things I remember is the fact that memory can play crazy tricks on you, for example, you may remember things about your past all of a sudden just because you hear or see something, even if you smell a particular scent that reminds you of a past time in your life.

Fact is, after reading some random blog I remembered when I was little I used to be obsessed with "Il Bruco" which was a kiddy ride in a gigantic caterpillar where the lucky child (and also the tallest), while remaining seated in his little caterpillar body part, would be able to grab a swinging gigantic apple. And if I am not mistaken the prize would be a new ride, nope, no money because children don't care about money, no dolls because those were too expensive... like the shooting ranges you find at carnivals where you spend 10 euros for the tiniest ugliest teddy bear you could probably buy at the Chinese people store for 50 cents.

Then I used to be obsessed with the typical stands where you needed to center the bowl with the pingpong ball and if you were able to do it they'd give you a goldfish... and this gay little train ride that took me in a wide circle all around the park, and from my little cart I'd be able to wave to my father while he was snapping dozens of pictures of me.

I don't know why all these thoughts have suddenly crossed my mind, but I guess all these things were so important to me when I was little, they seemed like huge satisfactions in life, huge accomplishments.

Now let's think, what would be considered a huge satisfaction? A job that gives me more of a chance to show my abilities? A less confusing love life? An expensive gift? Why is it that the older we get the less content we are with what we obtain? Is it because we feel we are getting closer and closer to our last day and start to have regrets because we think we aren't going anywhere we want to?

Going back to my childhood, I remember being completely obsessed with carnival games, so much that when I'd go home I would set up my own "Il Bruco" ride and hang a ball from a shelf, then sit on the floor and drag my butt to pretend I'd catch the apple... then I remember my childhood friend and neighbor Alessandro, how we used to set up a pretend Carnival (only to us it wasn't pretend at all) in the courtyard and make the poor people that arrived there to throw the garbage play a short game with us, of course they had to pay too!

One time, to shut me up, my mom took a shoebox and cut circular holes on its top, then she took several wine bottle corks and stuck them in these holes, at the bottom of the cork she would write numbers and whoever played (after paying) and got the highest number would receive... another chance to play the game.

Let's forget my neighbor friend because I was the maker of all this nonsense. Besides simulating "Il Bruco" which was dumb but only for my own personal pleasure, I used to set up libraries and catalogue all my books with little numbers, my precious "Candy Candy" books, comic books, Barbie magazines, classic stories such as "Little Women" and fairy tales like "Little Red Riding Hood".

Then I'd open up shop and my parents would have to enter the library at all costs and take out a book (naturally paying)! Then at dinner time I'd actually ask them if they had read the book and if yes what it was about. What a freaking pain in the ass!!

And what about when I would open up a restaurants with my friends at the mountains? We used to vacation in this apartment complex with a very nice garden full of beautiful roses (Mr. Barindelli, the evil owner of the joint, was very proud of them). So we used to bring out the "pentolini" (this is what Italian little girls play with, the little plastic pots and pans) and we'd play restaurant. So when our parents would sit outside to have a cigarette we'd take their orders and prepare delicious dishes such as soups and steaks... then we'd serve our special chocolate ice cream which was several scoops of Mr. Barindelli's rose soil. Voila!

I've always had that businesswoman ambitiousness, that desire to strive, to create new activities, to surprise the people around me. Like that time my parents took me to the park and it was so hot that I thought about making paper fans so they could fan themselves...

I think I've lost the will to do all that... not because I am grown up or depressed or because I changed personality, but because I am confused... been way too confused about it all in these last years. I wish one morning I could just wake up and a little bulb would go off so I'd have an idea about what to do with myself, an activity which would bring back enthusiasm in my eyes, a reason to better myself, a reason to grow.

It's Tuesday evening and I am in my pajamas sitting comfortably in front of my computer. I am relaxing, came home from work strolling and taking in the after-rain more pleasant weather. I am going to play the Sims 2 and fuck around, then go to bed early and read my amazing latest book Katherine... but regardless I still feel like shit.

Today I didn't go to hip hop class... I like to say to myself that I didn't go because my knees hurt but that would be foolish since not even near-fever and heavy-on-the-rag situations stopped me from going. I liked/like it so much that now I even miss it.

Why didn't I go? Because last Tuesday was a bitch, our teacher told us about the performance at the end of June and that we were going to meet more than once a week to rehearse and needed to study. And that's not bad because in order to succeed in something one needs to practice. However she also got so pissy, so cranky, so demanding and I am saying that's cool if she is teaching us something and we will look decent in front of a crowd but then again... I come to the gym to break from everyday stress, to enjoy myself... to chill.

Last week was a nightmare, I kept looking at the clock and thinking damn when is class over? Plus I think that I am not even going to be able to catch up next time... I feel like shit about quitting but I didn't even want to stress myself with this competition idea... sure it sounds cool talking about it but have you ever had to dance a 5 minute long coreography in front of a huge crowd IN A CLUB?? Damn!!

What's crazy is that none of my friends went today... cuz last week they all got scared away. I hate being scared away, I hate quitting... I mean class would have been over in a few weeks anyway... plus it will start again next year... still, I feel like shit.

I'm just not used to doing wild things and then quit like boom! :( I feel kinda disappointed with myself but I don't regret it... is it odd??

Tom Cruise stars in Paramount Pictures' Mission: Impossible III

So I got back from watching Tom Cruise's MI-III at the movies... and as I already suspected I loved it!! yes it was unrealistic, yes it was way too impossible to be possible but once again Tom made it happen... what I loved about the movie is that not only was it full of special effects, but the storyline was really well developed, a lot of surprises, suspense... yes, it's definitely worth watching!

Most people complain about the fakeness of the recent Hollywood blockbusters but heck, I think isn't this why they are called movies? If we have to go to the theatres and pay money to always watch movies that reflect our boring lives then why take the time to go at all? After all, aren't movies supposed to give us a break from reality? Aren't they supposed to give up different emotions, different feelings?

No matter how much I despise Tom Cruise with his weird ass religion (did you know that if he hadn't been abroad promoting his movie he would have actually eaten his baby's placenta and ombelical cord????) I like him as an actor. I love the fact that he doesn't have a stunt double (at least that's what I had heard) and at his age he is still kickin' and hot!! Plus this time he is really in love, he actually gets married... of course we'll see in the next movie if it'll be true love!! :P

Anyhow, I didn't get all that many house chores done... I am such a lazy goof... this morning I went to the gym at noon, and after taking a shower there and washing my hair I went to eat lunch at my grandmother's... then I went to the movies and by the time I got home it was already after 6... and all the clothes are still laying around, the positive thing is that I took out the spring clothes and put them neatly into the drawers. Well, tomorrow it's back to work, dammit why does the weekend fly by so quickly?

I have been slacking off completely today; I was supposed to go to the gym, I didn't, guess I'll go tomorrow... then I also told my grandma that I wouldn't have been at lunch but I am going later this evening for dinner. All this time change was due to the fact that I felt like crap about leaving my house a mess... and isn't Sunday the holy day when common Christians are supposed to rest and not work? Well then, this morning I woke up at 9.30 and I have been goofing around on the computer installing the new Sims family extension, watching already-seen episodes of Friends, eating cookies, listening to new music and in between sweeping here, dusting there... well, the house is at least cleaner than it was before but I am so far from being done!

I feel like such a lazy ass, on a Saturday where yes the weather isn't the best but is pleasant and I am supposed to get something done but just goof off... but then again isn't this what weekends are for?

I just love the fact that it's Friday. What I hate is the fact that it's only 11.35 and I am absolutely certain that today will be as endless as all Fridays are... my boss is away for business and hasn't called yet, but in the past two days I've been quite busy.

This weekend I was thinking about going to visit my mom but I decided not to, my house is a complete mess... I happen to be messy plus during the past month I've been away in Paris and Sicily so I haven't had much time to do housework or anything.

My mom suggested I call this guy that also does house chores in my grandma's house, basically you pay him 50 euros or so and all morning long he cleans your house, the windows, the windowpanes, the bathroom tiles, he irons... he does anything you ask him.

And so I was getting a half thought about calling him, I mean, a nice man-strength cleaning around my house would be grand, especially on the kitchen cabinets where I would need to reach with a ladder, the very high windows, scrubbing the shower sparkly clean...

but I'm kind of drawn back... it bothers me that this guy would get to snoop around my house and see my things, for example, my lace panties and bras hanging on the drying rack, my jewelry, my extra thick heavy flow pads, my romance books... this is just the dilemma a girl who lives alone has, tis the habitual complete freedom of having things lying around that you would never show to a random guy.

Ok, so he'd need to clean this deep bathroom cabinet I have under the two sinks. Everyone knows the bathroom is a girl's kingdom: you enter my bathroom and find the two sinks, by the two sinks I have a small shelf with about 30 different perfume bottles, on the counter you find my hairbrushes, perpetually-plugged-in hairdryer, toothbrush and tongue scraper (I am always ashamed of scraping my tongue in front of people plus as useful as it is the tongue scraper looks like a diabolical object of torture)... then you find a million different tubes of make up, compacts of eye shadow... the things you have lying around, then you only use a couple of them.

Under the counter is a man's worst nightmare... starting with a million cans of hairspray and hair mousse (WHY do I always keep buying new stuff if I have a store down there??) then there's a shelf full of body lotions... and alas, you find a shelf full of hair removal products, starting with the shower hair removal cream, the 5-minute miracle hair removal cream, the Brazilian wax hair removal gel, the special Oxy hair removal strips for legs, special Oxy hair removal strips for tiny hair, the bag of pink razors, the green Gillette gel for razor shaving, the hair lightening cream...

DAMN!! You'd think I am a friggin' gorilla or the hairiest woman (or man?) on the face of this planet well no, I have all kinds of hair removal products but get so lazy I use razors only... and fortunately don't need to use them so often.

After the toilet there is another cabinet full of "time-of-the-month" aids: panty liners, light flow, medium flow, medium flow with wings, heavy flow, heavy flow extra long, heavy flow long with wings pearl action (cuz they say it's supposed to make you feel like a pearl, that's how comfortable they are... then I guess it was a man who probably came up with the name cuz he has no idea how much of a shit a woman feels during her period).

On the top shelf of the "period cabinet" you find all my medicines... the stuff that you can't live without but when you are sick and need something it happens to be past its expiration date. Nevertheless that box of medicines I have is my savior during periods of annoying flu and headaches which lately I have been getting too often.

Around the bathtub/shower area you come across the biggest selection of bath/shower gels, shampoos and conditioners, of course each is for a different purpose. Too bad I have the awful habit of buying myself something new when the old is about to run out and what I do is immediately use the new bottle. So what's left is a jungle of abandoned, practically empty bottles forever lost into the oblivion that is my beauty products mayhem.

And I only described the bathroom to you, if I were to start talking about the kitchen and the other rooms in the house I'd probably exceed my website space. So before this guy comes around to clean my house, in order to avoid unpleasant and shameful situations, I should do some cleaning... yes, I should do cleaning for the cleaning, but then why don't I just do the whole cleaning myself while I'm at it?

Tis the dilemma of a modern working woman, tis the despair of a 25-year-old living in a cosmopolitan city full of entertainment... whether I stay home the whole weekend to scrub the floors or I go to the gym, the movie theatre, shopping (and spending money once again). Wow, I love being carefree... not that I am, but I am pretending to be these days.

Yesterday I bought myself a new perfume, Dior's "J'Adore" it cost 35 euros and I bought it "just because" ... then I bought myself an expensive pair of Adidas two weeks ago, they cost me 85 Euros... wait I attached a picture in an earlier post. Then I bought some more shoes, two pairs, one without heels so I can freely walk around the city without wanting to throw my heels under a passing car, and another pair of chunky espadrilles that you tie all around your ankle.

And I am not done yet... remembering the fact that I also bought plenty of souvenirs in Paris, I still want gifts... I want to cover myself with pretty new things, I want to be loved and so I want to go shopping. It's a dangerous condition but I am usually a scrooge so I guess once in a while it's not so devastating!

In my life there are either too many people who love me or none at all... I don't know if it ever happens to you, when you are not around people look for you like mad, call you, leave you messages, email you, ask you where you are... then when you are home and lounging poof... where is all the love? No problem whatsoever! I am such a loving person in general that I can give and make love to myself so let's pull out that credit card!!

I have been so tired that I haven't even had much time to read (tis why the bookworm section is blank)... lately I am reading and AMAZING book, it's a medieval love story that, they say, really took place... then who the hell knows, the Middle Ages aren't really around the corner! I am so into the Middle Ages with its princesses and castles! Reminds me of the sad time I decided to take a course "Life in the Middle Ages" in college and turns out that instead of talking about knights all the boring professor ever did was babble on about the church..... dammit... that was a time to forget!

Then again I too am bubbling so I better stop and get back to doing work. Tonight I'll post this blog for your reading (and sleeping) pleasure.