Archives > May 2007
That I will be in Istanbul,
Turkey from June 4-6 for work? Yes, I am so happy I am
finally going to go abroad on behalf of this
company,
even if I'll be hard at work we'll get the chance to see
a bit of this beautiful city, I hope to be able to take pictures! even if I
should be professional about it, and not look so phased by the whole traveling
experience... what do you think?
I also found out that at the end of August my company will be traveling to Sardinia for 3 days, to celebrate the launch of a new drug. I am thinking about paying for an additional 2 nigths there and stay with some co-workers, it's not everyday you get to go to Sardinia! Plus I've never been there, so it should be very wonderful.
I have been in agony since
last Tuesday, that guy keeps on writing text messages to me, even if I haven't
replied since Wednesday morning. F
irst
he says I'm superficial, "just like all American people," then he tells me I
read chick books and that is not what life is all about, that I am a lifeless
lazy ass (because when we went out I had low blood pressure and couldn't even
walk), then that I am immature, after all he's a whole 4 years older than me (oh
my!), then that I am probably accustomed to break the hearts of thousands of
innocent men everywhere (didn't he approach me? I was minding my own business),
that I am a heartbreaking bitch, that I am too absolute. And in between all
these nice words, he throws in a message or two of apologies and invitations for
a cup of coffee.
Screw this! I love me, I love my life despite the downs, if having a man means having to go through all this crap then I prefer living my life alone... sheesh, the more time passes by the more I am realizing, that maybe, The One does not exist. It's our brain that plays that optical illusion crap out of desperation and makes us think someone is the The One while really, he's just another dumbass who just wants to replace mom with you.
ps. if you understand Italian you should check out this guy's travel blog, it's truly inspiring!
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On a lighter note, my studies are going great, I have been taking a very interesting course and hope to redo my site and improve it... stay tuned!
Entered my building door quickly, went up the stairs steadily despite the 12cm-high platform sandals, closed my door and took off my clothes, put on my pajamas and here I am writing, didn't want to waste my time paying attention to his sms that said "you don't allow anything, you are too fixed in your positions."
And I didn't give a damn about thinking about it, about answering back with a sentence of explanation... another sms, just now, "is everything ok? kisses." I wrote back "have a good night, Marco, kiss. F."
Kisses via sms because I couldn't give him one when we were together five minutes ago, I was indeed fixed in my position.
In the position that I am 26 years old and I've met plenty of assholes... another sms "I am sorry, a big kiss, I hope to see you tomorrow, kisses." Although you won't see me tomorrow.
Anyway, I was saying, I've met plenty of assholes, here's another sms "will I see you tomorrow?" I tell him "no, I'm sorry, I told you already I am busy" oh god I can't keep up with these messages, he's sent me 6 already...
I've been in love before, I've known what it's like to feel like there's nothing else that matters in your life but that person, when you can't wait to see him, to be with him, when you imagine an eventual future together. I know I'm not 16, I know it's no Cinderella, but am I at least allowed to dream a sweet romance?
I need to feel at ease and want nothing more, than to love him, and to be loved back.
So this morning I woke up and simply told myself I wasn't going to go to work. It doesn't happen to me often, while I never want to go to work I get up and get dressed regardless, or I stay home only if I'm sick... not this morning, so I took a day off.
I hope I won't regret it because I don't have too many vacation days, due to the fact that I was just hired by this company officially.
Well, I just lounged around, did some cleaning, slept, read... it was great!
Last night I had a great time with a few friends, we went to a Mexican restaurant which I think is by far the best Mexican I've had in Milan, it's called Cueva Maya. I had enchiladas, tortillas filled with chicken and cheese and covered with even more cheese, it was heavenly! We walked out of that placed a bit buzzed from the margaritas and the sangria, each with 35 euros short in our wallets but still, very satisfied!
I could write a letter but my thoughts are too many
I could hold my breath but I know it wouldn't last long
I could run for a lifetime but see nothing before and after me
I could tell you I miss you but you wouldn't believe me
I could travel the world looking for that thing only you have
and reminisce of the time we made sense
when I could write about you without shedding a tear
when I could hold my breath taken by your kiss
when I could run after you and you were ahead waiting for me
when I missed you even if we were still together
when I traveled the world just by looking into your eyes
and get forever lost into the time we made sense
This weekend was not as relaxing as I was hoping it to be, on Friday I got home from teaching late and just stayed in, while on Saturday morning I went to bellydance class and then a nice 15 minutes in the sauna. I went for my first tan of the year, and needless to say (if you've been faithfully reading me) I got a sunburn. Every year it's this way, it's either I get burnt or nothing at all changes in my first tanning shower...
Yesterday evening I went out with my friends Ste and Dada to a bar, just walking around C.so Como due to the fact that it's such nice weather out these days.
And today I met up with my only American pal in Italy, Joe.
Since he was coming in from a small town called Gallarate I thought about doing
something cosmopolitan and taking him to this really cute
place called
California Bakery; it's
an all-American eatery and bakery spot, and we had brunch there.
All in all I gotta say they do come close to the real thing!Bagels aren't really as greasy as Americans make them but the cakes are great and so was the food,
we both had the
Eastside
Plate which consisted of scrambled eggs and bacon on a bagel, with
hash browns, orange juice and then we had apple pie (well not me
because I hate cinnammon) and a brownie.
If you wish to get a taste of the American dream in Milan I definitely suggest it!
After that we just took a nice walk in the park at Palestro, and after driving him back to the station I just came back to nap, my face was on fire!
I hope you like the new design, it's really girly which is yours truly in a nutshell. Plus I love sushi!
Here's another night up, another bunch of hours spent doing the usual things, I keep on feeling as if my life is not on track.
I haven't been going to the gym as much as I should, in the morning I hit snooze an infinite number of times and I end up punching in at work at 9.01/9.05. Always 5 minutes late to the proper start of my day. No matter what I say to myself in the evening time there is no way I am able to get to bed before 2am, and no way I am able to wake up before 7.20.
I keep trying to diet and avoid fattening food but when I come home I am so devious that I either make myself milk and cookies or potato dumplings with cheese.
I should clean my house more, it's thankfully clean but the clutter of old Vanity Fair issues, shopping receipts and plastic bags containing small details of my life is almost choking me.
When I come home in the eveningtime my cat sits on the bed next to me and just stares, as if he is trying to say "you are always on the computer when you are home, don't you have anything better to do?"
I
haven't read a book from cover to cover since last summer, and considering the
fact that I am a book lover this worries me.
No matter what I have considered myself fat since 1999; I look at pictures I took back in 2000 and say to myself wow I used to look great... then I remember that back in 2000 I looked at pictures from 1998 and said wow I used to look great.
I realize that I don't dress well for work... I mean I don't look like crap then again I never take the time to pick new combinations of clothes, I just don't feel like it.
If my bangs aren't clean and properly blown out I feel like the most disgusting creature on this earth, and lately I have gotten so used to black eye shadow that if I don't wear it I feel like there's something important missing... am I becoming make-up dependent?
Even the stupidest movies make me cry, this afternoon I saw the movie "Happy Feet," the one about the stupid tap-dancing penguin, and even if it was awful the music of when he dives into the water gets me all emotional... I can't even begin to tell you what happens to me when I watch Forrest Gump. I absolutely refuse to watch E.T., to me that movie doesn't exist.
|
This bitch ruined it for all of us |
The more I go out to parties, cocktails and clubs I realize that the man for me doesn't exist; I'm talking about that head-over-heels feeling that you get when you meet someone, when you are both so into each other that nothing else matters, when you can't stop thinking about or being with that person... earlier a guy friend of mine told me that beyond 25 years old it's impossible to fall in love, another guy friend a few months ago told me all men want is sex then maybe, but not definitely, they may get attached. I hope that isn't true and my first guy friend tells me to go watch Cinderella but come on, I don't want the fairy tale! Then again, I cry when I watch Happy Feet, I am beginning to think I'm disillusioned. --- I hate how most blogs I read online are about the same exact things, I can't stand a woman who only talks about her boyfriend because her life is just a following shadow of his. I don't like a guy who writes just to look intelligent, and he jumbles words together that really don't make any sense. I love reading back to see what I said two, three years ago despite of bullshit and boyfriends and diets and things... people come and go, things are said and done, but in the end, it's the world that should spin around us, and not the opposite. |
Is the prince extinct just like delicate, tiny feet?
I actually didn't have to retouch anything! they came out great :)
So I'm off today due to national holiday, it's 10.51 and I just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I don't want to exaggerate, but I reckon that I rarely remember my dreams and nightmares, but when I do god, they're either awful or weird or both!
Just like this one
I just had this morning before waking up. I was a nurse, a substitute nurse, and
was working with my father's wife in the hospital. I remember I was sitting in a
waiting room in this hospital, waiting for someone to come back, in room in
partial shade, sitting on a small chair, translating a song for someone who was
there with me. Then I decided I was tired of waiting, I got up and left. As soon
as I was walking away I said, no, today I'm gonna work, I could have gone home
and instead I decided to go back anyway. While I was walking outside during my
shift I ran into a woman, she looks at me and throws a sharp blade towards me. I
feel the stab (and I have no idea why at that point I find myself to be not a
woman, but a man). I have a short dream within the dream, and see myself dead
while everyone around me is getting up as a survivor, but it's just a dream, and
everyone around me is dead while I am the only one who gets up. I rush towards
hospital reception, gather a group of people and start looking for this woman.
All I know about her is that she is mad, because she lives with her 3 children in a car and never lets them go out, they have to stay in this car while only she is able to leave it. When cops finally identify the woman, she decides to kidnap a group of people, I'm in it. I remember being dragged into this abandoned room in the basement of the hospital, I remember the woman fabricating her blades out of an ordinary object which now I can't figure out, I remember he flicking these blades at me and another woman, and seeing the blood gushing out of my wounds, then suddenly the cops enter the room, and that's how my dream ends. I remember her eyes, deep and dangerous, the craziness could be seen in them, the fear I had, the burning of these wounds...
Why do I have these nightmares even if I don't watch scary movies? What is the meaning of them? How are dreams able to communicate things to us, that we can't figure out ourselves in real life? Of course this is blown out of proportion, but there must be a connection, why was I a nurse? Was it because I feel like a healer, a protector? Why do I see myself wounded? I should ask my aunt...
