Saturday, May 29 2004

Superwoman (it's not easy to be me)

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird

I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd

but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed

but won't you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away

away from me
It's all right

You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy

or anything­

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me.

Monday, May 24 2004

It works!!

Hmm I wonder if I tried... Would that gotdarn webcam finally work if I install it for the hundredth time?

I am afraid to try cuz this shit never works... wait... new hardware detected??

HOLY SHIT! My webcam works! It took a year off and finally it's alive!

Yeahh I'm tha shit... thank heavens I tried this... I'm a computer geek

Wait... what if this thing breaks again??

I better take lotsa pictures before it goes back to hibernate...

>> See all the new cam snapshots here

Sunday, May 23 2004

She bangs

Not bangin' hot but just bangin' with bangs... yup, I now have bangs... the last time I did I was in high school, graduating back in 1998. I remember the bangs got so annoying that I kept opening them up like lil' curtains and they looked awful. Now it's in to have bangs that start shorter on one side and end up longer on the other so you can move it aside. I hope I won't get annoyed with them too soon.

However I think bangs work a lot better for me since I got a big ass forehead, actually a big ass head altogether.

I am really getting tired of tha Jessica Simpson thang but I feel no creative vein pulsing so ya'll are just gonna have to stand her a while longer.

Check out tha new pictures, they have been added to the Pic gallery under miscellaneous... check them out if you care of course.

Wednesday, May 19 2004

Animals are the owners

So I am checking out Enpa's website (it's the Italian Peta) and fuck many people are giving away their pets cuz their new house won't allow them, cuz of job reasons, cuz they are sick bla bla blaaaaa but fuck these people are monsters!! They don't think of their animals as if they were family members... would you give your sister or mother up for adoption because you are sick? Your new house won't accept animals? Look for another goddarn house dammit! I am disgusted.

I am thinking that after I come back from Sicily in September I'd like to adopt a cat. Not a dog cuz cats are cleaner and don't need to be taken out. I just don't have the time to keep a dog company and take him/her out so a cat would be great.

There is this animal store near my house and they have a bullettin board with animals up for adoption... there is this beautiful 2-year-old Siamese (beautiful blue eyes) that is looking for a home... unfortunately I can't take the cat on the plane and on vacation! But there is also this other cat, and he's real ugly (at least his expression is) and he's so funny, he must be real funny...

So to you people who are looking for a friend FOR LIFE adopt a pet. Even after they die they will always be in your heart.

Italy: Enpa

USA: Peta

A whole lotta cheese

Why is it that I love cheesy movies? Since this morning I wasn't able to go to work due to a public transportation strike I watched three of my favorite Marilyn Monroe DVDs: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Some Like it Hot and Bus Stop.  The third is my absolute favorite Marilyn movie. It's about this hot (virgin) redneck cowboy who goes to the city for a rodeo and falls in love with this pale, unhappy saloon chanteuse (Marilyn). He wants to marry her at all costs and he even abducts her... at the end he learns to be a gentleman and she loves him and bla bla bla.

So I'm saying I really like the cheesy stuff! I love everything that is cheesy, girly and childish.

But I was talking to Fabio about this earlier this evening: all my life I have always tried to be older and more mature than I actually was supposed to be.

Sometimes I forget the fact that I am only 23 years old and that at my age I'm dealing with some crazy responsibilities that many people my age don't even know exist. And what's worst is that I am the person who wanted these responsibilities.

All my life I have always tried to do something bigger and better with myself. I remember when I was 11/12 years old my grandmother would take me to Standa (this department store) and I would "randomly" pass by the toys department feeling like a thief. The fact was that I was embarrassed because I didn't want to anyone to think that a person my age still played with Barbie. But fuck, what the fuck is wrong with playing Barbie when you are 11 years old?

I don't know why I was that way nor I know why I am this way now. The gist is that I am responsible for the shit that I am in now because I always wanted to do something more with my life way before I was supposed to. And, needless to say, now I don't know where to go... but of course it is impossible to go back.

I mean, in a way I kind of envy the female college students that I run into in the subway (some of them are even older than me) because I feel that they have way less worries (generally, I'm not talking about people with way worse personal problems!). But then again when I listen to them chewing their gums with their mouths open and saying to a friend "dammit this shit economics exam is killing me and my mother keeps pissing me off cuz she won't stop getting on my ass about it and oh I have no money my father is an asshole he's not giving me anymore money because I go clubbing too much... well this summer I am going to the shore with my friends I can't wait to get out of my house" I think damn, if these are your only problems then you ain't seen nothin' yet! My mother never had to nag me about me fucking around in school cuz I was my own policeman and kept giving as much as I could... maybe too much. I'm not talking about the study load, I'm talking about the expectations that I had and have of myself. I am my own destroyer... and what's terrible is that there is nothing I can do to stop myself from disturbing my peace.

Tuesday, May 18 2004

Questions to self

Why is it that just when I start taking a breath of fresh air after paying the bills I get another 512EUR bill to pay before the end of the month??? I thought payment was required every 3 months, not every two months... there is way too much bullshit to pay for. I really really need to find another job, starting September. Because really, the job I have just allows me to survive, not live.

I swear I haven't been spending any money on crap lately. No new clothes, restaurants or bars, books (my usual weakness), gadgets, beauty products... I haven't been in a movie theatre in months.

Yet I barely make the end of the month.

Why is it that you get a good job only if you are backed up by some important or rich person... and why don't you get a decent job if you worked your ass off through college and kept your head straight all your life?

Why is it that some people are hypocrites? Their job is to help out their kids if they are in need... my father, for example, tells me that they he's not able to help me even if I'm having mad financial problems. Yet he affords to go on a 1400EUR vacation to Egypt with his girlfriend.

Why is it that in life you can never breathe out?

After he goes on for a long ass time telling me about the great fun he had on his vacation while I didn't sleep at night searching desperately for virtually nonexistent unnecessary expenses I show him my diamond ring and tell him "Look what Fabio got me." He looks at it as if it were a painting I drew him when I was 5 years old and says "UUUUUhhhh wowwwwww" and tells me "so it's serious..."

Fuck yeah it's serious. Many other things in my damn life are serious yet you know nothing about them. How can you be so clueless? How can you be so indifferent?

Why is it that when your goddamn washing machine breaks nobody is willing to help you and yet when you tell them about the problems you had they say "Ohhhhh you should have told meeee I would have given you a hand..." BULLSHIT. Because when it comes to stop talking shit and doing something tangible they pull back.

Why is it that a true friend is the rarest thing in this world? Why is it that when you need them the most they are never around?

It's easy to expect love but to give love in return seems to some people (who MUST give you love) the most arduous task ever.

Oh, and why is it that you get your period while you are walking around the city in the middle of your workday... and since you just changed bags you forgot your pads in the other bag????

Pluggin' and adding to links: Vanilla Kink

Monday, May 17 2004

Sore muscles

Today was a poopy day. I only had two classes but walking around was terrible cuz my muscles ached from yesterday's Tour de Force against the dreaded yet vital washing machine.

I am in a state of daze as I type, just got done taking a bath. Lately it's not as good cuz it's getting warm outside... so I must open the window right above the bathtub so I don't die of heat. I love looking outside hearing only the soft evening breeze. Even a city like Milan is beautiful, all you have to do is look at the sky. Our sky here in the city is not as blue (and clean!) but in the evening it's dark like every other sky... damn it's the same sky!!! And plus there aren't many cars so you can try to breathe some decent air.

Tomorrow is gonna be real shitty. I accepted this course in Settimo Milanese (I need the money), that's 15 kilometers from here but it's real hard to reach by public transportation. My dad works over there so he's gonna pick me up at the subway station, that is a lifesaver.  At least we are talking now... this summer is going to be bearable... just bearable though.

actual trip... it's the action of driving far far away from Milan, leaving the grey buildings and the chaos behind, listening to the 15GB of music from my beloved iPod.

It's seeing the countryside all around you as you drive, as you pull down the window to let in some fresh air (often smelling of fertilizer... well it's better than pollution!!).

It's arriving in this small town where everything goes by slowly, calmly and enjoying a big plate of fresh fish maybe with a nice glass of white wine.

It's taking off your shoes and socks and letting your tired feet touch the cool evening sand, letting the sound of the waves gently caress your eardrums...

I really can't wait to escape...

Friendlier resolution

So after fiddling around a while with Front Page I was able to make the resolution clash a bit better for those of you who have a better monitor with higher than an 800x600 resolution.

That Joe Budden song kept making me sick cuz refreshing all the time it really annoyed me. So I changed songs too. If I have time tonight I'll post again but for now I AM LOOKING FOR BLOG LINKS & AFFILIATES. At the moment I'm not looking for Mariah Crybaby affiliates, just the blog section. So if you are interested email me. The only two requirements is that (1) you link back to me and (2) that I like your site... I like to keep a good relationship with my affiliates so if you don't care about that just ask to exchange links and that's it.