Archives > May 2003
Saturday, May 31 2003
So little to say...
Let me just tell you, I have been feeling like crap lately. More because I am fighting for my life everyday, working hard to make it as great as it can be. But I am so lonely.
I have nobody to share my earned achievements, my emotions...
Last week some guy was flirting with me and trying to get me to go out with him... it turns out he was married with a 9-month old child. I mean, that is just disgusting, not for your wife but for the baby she just had from your creepy pig ass. I can't believe there are men out there who would do that... and who do that everyday, every time.
Then I think to myself I'd rather be lonely than with a jerk who tells me he loves me and then goes off screwing other chicks while I am home changing our baby's diaper.
Sunday, May 25 2003
Pictures from last night
We went to that awesome bar with the rum and fruit pots. It was amazing and this time the music rocked even more. Hearing Snoop Dogg in Italy was just totally incredible!
Saturday, May 24 2003
Guidelines to picking up a girl in a bar
Not that I am the type of girl who gets picked up by some strange man at a bar but I figured I'd write out a few tips for ya guys who try despite us showing resistance:
-Shave, we hate beard stubbles. It's either you have a full beard or you don't.
-Don't hit on all the girls then expect to get with at least one. Not even the most pathetic one will likely fall for it unless she looks like Mr. Bean.
-Dress nicely. No girl likes to be picked up by a guy who looks like Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
-Don't drink too much, especially if the girl you are interested in is sober. You will simply make a fool out of yourself while you're horny while the girl will be looking for a way to leave your drunk ass alone.
-Don't smell too much like beer, again, unless she is drunk/er than you are.
-Do not appear desperate. Just because you try hard doesn't mean she will give it to you for your effort.
-Make intelligent conversation. We prefer you talk little but what you say makes sense... can't stand trash talk that goes on and on.
-Try to look at our faces sometimes and not exclusively at our breasts.
Sunday, May 18 2003
Been goin' back in time
This has been a good weekend, I was able to get a lot of things organized and a lot of situations solved.
Yesterday I went to the bank and the post office, the police station cuz I had to write out a report saying that I have been missing my ID and have no idea where it is (perhaps in one of my pockets but don't know which one), then I went food shopping and out with friends. I also managed to buy clothes at the store.
Today was mellow, I went to eat at my parents, hadn't seen Petite in ages so I decided to take her to this park in Milan called Trotter which is also where my kindergarten and middle school used to be.
The last time I had been there was in 1994, when I had in fact ended my middle school years and was about to leave for the US. A part of me had been wanting to go back to see this place, because out of everything in my city it held the most, dearest, closest memories that I can relate to my life in Italy.
When I entered the gates of the park I just couldn't believe it was still all there: the same swings, the old bell tower, the abandoned pool, the buildings... everything was still the same, it was as if nothing within those gates had been touched. But this also was not necessarily a good sign. By stating nothing was touched I also mean that this beautiful park is now so uncared for, so naked, so poor.
You know, this old school of mine prided itself of a wonderful rich history. Back in the days it used to be a horse race park where rich people used to unite to watch the shows and sunbathe by the beautiful, classic pool amid this elegant, enormous park. Red, pink, white roses used to grace the lawns, there was even a small farm with pigs, chickens and horses.
The place later on became a shelter for sick children who had trouble breathing, because the nature in the park was a "green lung" as they called it. It later on became a public school and that's when I went to it: during kindergarten and for my three years of middle school.
Well, to cut it short I know all of this because my grandmother used to work as a secretary in the school, and she also has such beautiful memories of this park.
The great thing about my visit today was that I saw old details of this place that brought back every memory. I even remember the area where I was "grounded" in kindergarten after getting into a fight with another child, the place where I used to talk to all my friends during lunch on 6th grade, the tree under which I had my first kiss...
But maybe it is because time has passed and I have grown older but I just saw this park older than I ever could be. It is lonely, even if it is full of children. It is not home, it is not a "green lung," at least I don't think of it that way anymore.
The buildings are full of graffittis, there are very dangerous folks walking around (it wouldn't surprise me if there was drug smuggling) and the grass and plants are just uncured.
I left Trotter quite saddened and in a way empty inside. Sad because what this place used to be it never will be again. The only way this park survives is through my young, happy memories, of a time that is now too far away.
Saturday, May 10 2003
Peaches and leaches
Gotdamn. Remember when my ass was happy as Christmas when I bought my peach tree? (see entry of Sunday April 6)
Well, I was hopin' that the tree would grow country peaches and I could make a fruit cake with them or sumphin', well the lil' thing is spitting out little furry berries and it's not time for them to grow into full peaches though.
But what totally fuckin' sucks about the whole deal is that my tree has been sick ever since a week after I brought it home.
Dammit, no spraying of toxic substances killed those damn green aphids that are just about the most disgusting bug you can think of.
So my dad came over today and he handpicked them all off cuz there was no gotdamn way I was gon' do that. Maybe there, I would have hired a friggin' green-thumb gardener to fix that baby but never with my bare hands! uh-uh!
And so he cut off some branches, did what he could but as I was looking at him to the work I was thinking damn I just wanted peaches... dammit.
Sunday, May 4 2003
Sometimes...
Sometimes I wish I had walked but I ran... I slid in a rush through folds of time
Carefully running by, never stopping.
And here I am now,
Happy with my achievements
But then again wondering why I didn't hold
Why I didn't exhale, relax
But it's too late to turn back now,
At my young age I fulfilled what lucky people do at 35
I showed myself and others I can stand,
I can walk alone, farther than you thought.
But I just wish I hadn't raced through time
because now I'm tired and have nowhere else to go.
I miss college life, when the most important thing was passing an exam,
and now I am in a situation in which the most important thing is keeping my integrity and hang onto my sanity.
I am happy, yet I am sad...
I have achieved and yet I lost so much in the process.
I think I found my way and yet I wish I had done it all differently.
You and I used to talk, we were there for each other... and then I was gone...
and now you are gone... where to?
I am left here wondering, thinking, guessing... a future I will never have.
Friday, May 2 2003
Laid back
So I was supposed to be off work yesterday too but I had to work! he!! yeah, yesterday was a sacred holiday for Italians, it's our version of Labor Day when NOBODY works, stores are closed, no one is to work.
But nope I was at this motocross event representing my company with my coworker and I got soaked in dirt from head to toe.
And now here I am, it's 4pm and I have done absolutely nothing today but surfing the web, it's raining out and my dog is asleep on my legs... damn I love this.
I could live like this for a while, without having nervous twitches (that today I have only when I start to think about Monday) and having to wear make-up and suits the whole time.
Well, I'm gonna stop complaining. I hope you all enjoy the new look, it was hard as hell finding a hottie who could proudly take the place of Brad Pitt. But he's really making me feel like running away... going off on an adventure alone, to nowhere in particular.
I have been thinking way too much about my future and responsibilities lately and just thinking that it's just the beginning makes me sick.
Well, stay tuned because also the magazine is almost done. As for now enjoy Tyson Beckford!