Archives > March-April 2006

Thursday, April 27 2005

Snap out

So I totally need to sort out my priorities... I need to see what in my life is worth keeping, and what is worth eliminating. I swear I keep getting myself into such confusing situations! I wish I could just sweep away all the worries, all the regrets, all the doubts... and start afresh.

Well, today was not easy... my boss was in the office, as he usually isn't due to frequent traveling, and he kindly pointed out to me that I had forgotten to invite the Turkish director to the St. Petersburg meeting... SHIT.

Am I so damn confused and taken with my life that I can forget to invite Turkey to the most important meeting of the year?? Ok, I made some calls and tried to fix the whole situation, hopefully I'll be able to get this guy a visa as well? Yes, definitely Federica, dammit, stop worrying and overreacting otherwise you'll get yourself another stomach ulcer. After all, the meeting is in July.

Yes all visas must be processed, like now, I still have plenty of time though... do you know that if you plan on staying in Russia for more than three months you must be negative for HIV?? That's some crazy shit I didn't know about... yeah so I have people who are staying in St. Petersburg for 3 days, ok, get the visa for 3 days... then at the last minute they want to stay one day more and one day less dammit stop breaking my neck and fuckin stop changing your mind about things.

Sorry about that, I never vent about my job on the site, so this is a first... I'm kind of rambling tonight. Could it be because I am cranky and my legs are hurting the hell out of me? Could it be because I still need to finish packing my suitcase?

Yes, tomorrow I'll be heading to Sicily to visit Fabio, I'll be there until Tuesday... I need to sort out a few priorities there too... dammit. In general, in my life, I just need to stop a second... do you know how it's done in the movies, you snap a finger and everything around you, even the birds and the bees freeze midair and wait for your snap back into reality. So I need to freeze a minute, turn around and look back then take a few steps forward, ponder, look around myself 360 degrees... and say to myself "yes, this is the way to go" then snap back into it and continue my own way.

All right, I'm just gonna post this blog and turn off the computer before I start saying shit I regret... sometimes these situations make me realize how way too many people I know read this blog and might get spooked out by what I say.

So I'll talk to you soon! be good ya'll, at least ya'll be good...

Tuesday, April 25 2005

Bummin'

Yey so today as well I am home from work... no, I haven't gotten fired, here in Italy today is national holiday so yesterday my company was closed and we had a nice long weekend.

I hope you enjoyed the Paris pictures, I just wanted to show you a picture of my shoes (cuz I'm such a dork) and some other pictures I took of myself. This is how I am, I take a million pictures then I don't take anymore for ages, so here they are:

See more of these...

Sunday, April 23 2005

Wednesday, April 12 2005

Gastroscopies suck

So after almost two months of stomach burning and pain I finally had a gastroscopy... you know that exam where they stick a black tube in your mouth, down your esophagus and into your stomach? A walk in the park really...

Thanks to my aunt I was anesthesized but felt pain and discomfort regardless, that's when I felt bad for those who don't even get anesthesia... gastroscopies are the devil!!

Positive thing's that they found a reddened area in the lower part of the stomach, swollen that looks like a bruised knee when you fall. Well, they are going to test a stomach sample they took (that hurt like crazy!!) and it can either be helycobacter (quite common) or ulcer.

Regardless, it's better this way... can you imagine going through such an exam and have the doctor tell you "sorry mam, you have nothing at all, just your imagination..."

My aunt was in the room with me, she held my hand when I passed out... I was so friggin tense, as soon as they injected the anesthesia I passed out... unfortunately you must remain a bit conscious but still... they were able to insert the tube in my mouth without a problem since I was gone... I started feeling it midway, I remember not being able to breathe and people telling me "bravaaaa Federica bravaaaa" and me feeling this crazy pain... I guess they were removing a piece of my stomach lol while I was in pain.

Afterwards they woke me up and put me on a wheelchair, my aunt found me a bed in her department to lie down on and I slept for 1 hour... I was in the hospital from 9 to 12... got home and slept until 6. It was a rough day, but I am glad it's over because now I know the pain I was feeling wasn't just imaginary, and that I didn't need to book myself into a psychiatric clinic for imagining stuff.

Tuesday, April 11 2005

WE ARE OFFICIALLY FUCKED

Is this how elections are won? By a smidge, by a few votes... when authorities in Rome found boxes full of annulled voting cards abandoned by the garbage, guess who lost those votes? Of course most were addressed to Berlusconi... is this what the left is prepared to do, prevent democracy to estabilish a thick cloud of political slavery where the media says different things according to their political preference... and THE MEDIA SHOULDN'T BE BIAS, RIGHT??

Prodi full of shit, Prodi full of his antagonistic and completely different political allies, Prodi full of... nothing really. No ideas for the country, no real character.

And to Berlusconi's offer to try and collaborate together in this country that is practically split in two parts, what did he reply? Go home Berlusconi.

My darling mortadella face Prodi do u think that's such an easy thing to do? When more than 50% of Italians voted against you in the Senate, and you only won by a miserable bunch of votes... what are you going to do with the half part of Italy that doesn't accept your communist allies? What about the no-global party in your coalition... yes, if you read my blog (see post of March 18) you will see who no-globals are, they trashed Milan and set cars on fire because they wanted to protest. Protest for what? No globalization? What about the jeans they are wearing, didn't anybody tell them their American friends made those? Please!

These elections have brought out the political anger that is in me, I have decided to set up a political blog... or better, a blog in Italian so that my new friends here will be able to understand what I rant about... and also try to impress their red ideals on me... who in their godgiven mind wants to vote for communism??? Fuckin' ignoramus...

Saturday, April 8 2005

I love the gym!!

I swear, whenever I start to define myself athletic it always comes back to bite me in the ass... I have been going regularly to the gym since September now, and have made a lot of new friends. As you know, when you meet with strangers, it takes a while to gain confidence and bond, today at the gym I finally met up officially with these two girls I made friends with at hiphop class and I gotta say we had a blast!

It's not everyday you find girls your age who share your same hobbies (in this case, the gym) and who you can talk to freely without fear of evident judgement. Plus when you meet new friends it's like starting on a fresh slate, and you build your relationship up.

We met this morning at 11 for G.A.G. which stands for Legs, abs and buns... this insanely tiring class only women take with the desperate hope of losing cellulite or (in my two new friends' case) in the hope of gaining some muscle, since they are both skinny.

Well, today we had a teacher I never had class with, a flamboyant homosexual... honest, the guy went around skipping and saying "come on honey squat and work that little ass so you can flaunt it" and that was all good cuz at least he made it fun, he was amazing. Apart from his great personality the hour was a nightmare, and never have I taken such a tough gym class... I kept slowing down, drinking water, feeling like I was going to collapse on the floor... if I did they only way they could have gotten me back up was with a heavyweight lifting machine.

Regardless of that we spent the rest of the afternoon mellowing our sore asses in the jacuzzi, then we washed up and had lunch together... we got to chat about our lives, and it was so relieving to see that they had their ghosts in the closet as well. For one of the few times in my life I felt like I was talking to people who were on my same level, and by that I mean, people who freely admitted their flaws not because of their insecurities but because of their good self-judgement.

Afterwards we went to the tanning salon and before we split up we said we will do this again, maybe meet up on Thursday for other classes, or hang out and go to a movie sometime... of course our next meeting time we will not be able to miss for the world is hiphop class. I swear that class is giving me so much, I have so much fun and have met so many people we also arranged dinners out with! Plus thinking it does me good makes me even happier.

Sorry I went on about this, but I thought I'd document this day officially, because lately it's not like you find a positive and happy post of mine!

Friday, April 7 2005

New snapshots

So I got back from the hairdresser yesterday and decided I'd take a few pictures of myself...

Thursday, April 6 2005

Trouble seeker

... it's only been a few hours... perhaps when the scent will wear off I'll be left to imagine this dream never haunted me

....

Sometimes I think I look for trouble... I think I am a very nice girl, under control, responsible, mature... but it's like when I am going through a rough time I tend to get myself into more bad shit.

Heart-wise I've never been a success... I've always for some reason gotten myself into difficult relationships, could it be because I like the challenge? But who wants to hurt themselves in love like I have? Long distance, interracial, in between, age difference... it's like a curse.

I am somehow attracted to the hard puzzles, maybe if I chose the easy ones I'd get bored easily...

It takes nothing in life, to go from the good girl to the "I can't believe she did that shit" girl... and that's the situation I am in right now.
I don't want to talk about it, not because I don't feel like it but because I think nobody would understand me... and that sucks because I know in life I've heard some messed up things from people and always bent myself backwards to try to understand them and give them my support.

We'll see how it turns out... but I think more fucked up than this it can't get...

ps. sorry I was enigmatic!

Sunday, April 2 2005

Bumming my Sunday away

I have been sick off work for the past week now, I have had stomach pains for about a month and am supposed to do some testing... which I have been doing. I am feeling better but I don't know if this is due to the fact that I have been resting at my mother's house and not dealing with bullshit, well, I'll be able to tell tomorrow when I return to work!

I am offcially a MySpace addict, as a matter of fact go visit my page lol I am a internet loser! :P but hey, I am also cool and awsome so that balances off hehe.

There isn't anything new I gotta say except update the Bookworm section below... I think I am becoming more and more like those fat old housewives who read romance books but I think it's just a phase I am going through... like back in the day when I used to read 5 Agatha Christie novels every month... what can I say, books heal me!

Sunday, March 19 2005

Re-redecorating

I think I am getting neater. Or more creative. Or just older.

I have been playing around with my living room lately, which is about the best (and less messy) room in my house and finally decided to take pictures... have a look!

Saturday, March 18 2005

Americanisms

It's really funny how slowly but surely even Italy is getting americanized... back in the days we were proud of our little shops scattered around our city and were happy to have such little chain stores... yesterday I went to check out the new mall they opened in Sesto S. Giovanni with S... and it just felt like hanging out at the Willowbrook mall!

All the windows were shiny, the floor was sparkly, the lights were reflecting against the beautiful clothes of Zara International (ps. there are about 5 Zara international shops in that mall, one even sells stuff for your house like pillows and bedsheets-- didn't know Zara did that!).

After eating a quick sandwich we walked around until 10, the time stores closed and it's about damn time we find stores here in Italy that close after 7.30. Who the hell needs stores that close at that hour? What do we do when after a stressful and unsatisfying day at work we wish to relieve our senses by swiping our credit card a couple times? Where are we going to do that if everything is closed?

I think sooner or later we will be owned by Zara and McDonald's... and our Italian kids we are so loving of are going to become fat little piggies by eating all the colorful Happy Meals. We will soon start using so many English words that we will forget how to say those words in our language (that already happens, for example, with the words "report" and "management," even the word sandwich, people think means "panino" when really it means "tramezzino").

I love seeing those people that complain about the right-wing government, capitalism and the American government eating a number 3 at McDonald's... do they know they are giving money to "their enemy?!?!?!"

As for me I am busy watching the elections campain hoping to heavens that Prodi will not win... because YES, I am one of the few right-wing enthusiasts in this country who isn't afraid to admit she is scared shitless of what Prodi will (wait, will NOT) do...

I am really objective about the entire politics thing, because I might not even be voting for Berlusconi... but some people are annoyed by my ideas. For example, the other day I was talking to a coworker on the phone about the whole debate that took place between the two opponents and one of my stupid office mates asked me to stop talking about politics.

First of all why did she listen to my conversation when I was whispering? Does she spend the entire day hanging on to my every word? And why was she annoyed when I was criticizing both opponents? Was it because she claims to be left-wing but didn't bother to listen to even five minutes of the debate?

People, I hate politics and don't get into/know all details but I know my ideas and if you have yours just because you were influenced by someone else don't get into a conversation about politics with me, because I will smash you to the ground... I think I get too Plato-like and start questioning them to see how credible their objections are... don't build your foundations like a card castle, because at the first windblow all will crumble down and you will be left wondering what you were really believing in to begin with.

Read books, listen to different ideas AND RESPECT THEM (even if they are not like yours), stop a few minutes and realize it's best to appreciate what you have instead of complaining about what you want to have BECAUSE OTHERS WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE.

Don't go on strike a gagillion times a month just because you think you are not getting paid enough when you know damn well that your pay is even too high because the time you commit to working is actually 20% of your entire day.

Don't be close-minded and complain about other cultures and mentalities, because what makes you think (1) you know about them (2) yours is better??

Don't go around waving a peace flag when the first one who declares war is you by treating the people around you like scum.

Don't think of having a job as a right, it is a privilege which you earn by (duh) working.

Don't claim that fascism is a threat and a danger and than wear a black hood, go to our streets and set cars and stores on fire just because you want to protest, for what, even you deep down don't really know. You are the real threat, and if only police could, they should smash your head with a stick.

Ok, I am getting carried away... because some people might actually misunderstand or not know what I am talking about. There are groups that call themselves "no global" (then they wear guess jeans and adidas shoes) that hate everything that is globalization and especially the United States and walk around all dressed and covered up in black to destroy everything they see... because they want to protest. And this is exactly what they did last week by my house, in this busy street that is know for its shops. They claim to be left-wing, but isn't the left wing the one that waves around the peace flags and is against the war in Iraq? (who isn't, nowadays, against the was in Iraq??)

Events that took place in Milan on March 11 2006

ITALY'S BAGHDAD

Well, they are sure as hell not pacifists, because they certainly didn't make peace with the owners of the cars they burnt and the owner of the newsstand that now no longer exists.

Since when is waving around the Italian flag (ps. not during a soccer match) considered being a sign of fascism? Since when has the peace flag become the only flag to wave? BE PROUD OF YOUR COUNTRY AND WHAT YOU HAVE, BE HAPPY YOU DON'T LIVE IN IRAQ OR IN A THIRD-WORD COUNTRY... but if you so hate everything we have here do us a favor and leave (if you think what's out there is so much better) because the last thing we need to go ahead and have a brighter future is your bad breath pessimism.

Sunday, March 12 2005

Hello, my name is Lukutekushikimika!

So someone on Myspace sent me this thing, apparently you are supposed to figure out your name in Japanese accoding to the following, anyhowz I think it's gotta be a bunch of crap cuz once I read a book named "The tale of Murasaki" and how about them Yamamoto mofos?? Aren't there a gagillion Japanese people named Yamamoto?? So where's that at? So this is cute and funny if ya wanna try it but I think I would just play around with my nickname "Lukuteku" <--- this one's cute!!

A - ka
B - zu
C - mi
D - te
E - ku
F - lu
G - ji
H - ri
I - ki
J - zu
K - me
L - ta
M - rin
N - to
O - mo
P - no
Q - ke
R - shi
S - ari
T - chi
U - do
V - ru
W- mei
X - na
Y - fu
Z - zi

Wednesday, March 8 2005

Happy women's day!

Don't think I haven't been around, cuz I have! mostly on myspace but always surfing the net... reading (hope you are enjoying the bookworm section cuz I just added one more book to it).

Today was woman's day and here in Italy it's celebrated by men giving to ladies all around a few branches of mimosa flowers, well it's great because today I got a branch from a colleague who handed them out to everyone on our floor and one more nice branch from our managing director... then I went to this party a hotel I keep contacts with for my boss was planning to celebrate, I took my colleague and we ate like piggies! I also got a plant, although I would have much preferred the complimentary shiatsu massage they were giving... shucks too bad we were late and needed to get back to the office.

This day however isn't at all about yellow flowers... they are beautiful to see and smell of course but what about all those women around the world that are treated worse than animals? What about women who are sold as merchandise, beaten sensless, raped, enslaved, underestimated, misunderstood, exploited... and we are here waiting to receive branches of dumb little fuzzy flowers that tomorrow will be all dried up and ugly.

So this entry will serve as testification that I am lucky to be who/where I am and everything I go through is really nothing compared to may other women in the world.

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