Archives > June 2003
Saturday, June 28 2003
Site updates
I hope ya'll enjoy the new design, I have been around, just got done downloading the new Harry Potter book while I wait for it to be delivered to my doorstep, enjoying a slight but nice evening breeze, it rained last night so it's not as hot as always, writing to ya with all my love.
I miss this site a lot, I miss being able to do what I like most, to update the magazine and the Mariah section.
But I feel that the last thing I should be doing when I come home late from work everyday is spend more time on the computer when really I should be relaxing.
I am laying in a state of stand-by right now, I know something big is about to happen, just don't know when it will be coming around.
As of now I am just enjoying the breeze, waiting for the tide... to lift me up and take me goodness knows where...
Laugh a little: Kozo's Thong Song
Thursday, June 19 2003
Livin' on the edge
I have been living on the edge of tolerance,
sliding through the hot long days, going in going out, breathing in and rarely out.
I've been taking so much lately, so much that I don't know just how much more my body is able to flex, don't know how much longer my patience is going to hold me back.
I am tired of being strong, I am tired of flexing muscles, I want to release, I want to sometimes feel worry-free, stress-free,
I have been floating on my own sad misery.
One of these days, I say, I'll quit.
One of these days I'll leave, just waiting for the pull... waiting for that stretch.
But I am tired, just need a reason why, just need the will to risk, to let go, and to care less if I lose too much in the process.
I need to be 22 years old. I need to breathe through life because running now until I die is a long fuckin' marathon.
I am just lingering, floating, mellowing within my mellow foolishness... waiting to drown hoping that I will somehow be able to bring myself back up to the surface.
Monday, June 16 2003
Not dead... reborn!
Hey you! I know you have been logging onto my site every single day hoping to read one of my blogs. HA! just kidding! but if you have been coming by ever so often and didn't see any updates I am sorry.
I usually go through that when I am scheming a brand new design and the current one depresses me so much that I can't even go to my site. As much as I think Jennifer Aniston with the cherry is hot I am neither a huge fan nor gay so it will be gone real soon...
As for me, guess where I've beennnn!!! THE SHORE!!! Yup, I am not the type of chica that goes for last minute decisions but heavens know what made me do it. My family has a beach house 4 hours away from Milan, the perfect getaway for a person who has 2 days of vacation next to Saturday and Sunday.
I just got in my car and left on Saturday afternoon, arrived in the evening and went to this seaside restaurant where I ate nice fried fish and listened to local folks-trot music. Well, it was the perfect escape, I even stopped twitching! Did nothing else but go to the beach and sleep, listen to music or read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the second time (gotta get ready for the new book to come out!)
And here I am, back again... I thought I would stop by to let you know that I had a slammin' weekend, when I only needed myself.
Tuesday, June 3 2003
Fire exit
Why is it that no matter where we are, who we become and what we end up doing we are never happy all the way?
Why is it that even if we brag we'd never change anything if we had the power deep inside we wonder, we imagine just how things would have been if only we had kept that door open?
It's hard to think right now, my hair is wet and a mosquito is buzzing around waiting to take a bite out of my freshly showered legs. It's been a strange day, hot but rainy. A huge thunderstorm broke out earlier this evening. I was listening to the thunders and the rain pouring warm on my terrace floor.
I just felt like taking a walk out, letting all the rain right in. I just felt like walking out alone, barefoot, far away, hoping that the rain would someway wash away my doubts and regrets.
I have been nothing but unsatisfied lately. And call me ungrateful but I never before wished that I could turn back time the way that I do now.
I always said if we are meant to be together destiny will bring us back someday. If we are meant to be someplace there is nothing that we can do to change fate... but can we?
And is this my final destination? Am I meant to forget it all somehow, someday... and move on to a new door?
As for now I feel like Neo in the Matrix Reloaded... in an eternally long hallway full of doors. I just wonder how and when I am meant to find mine.
I sure wish I had never closed that door... and if destiny really is supposed to bring us back together what are the chances that that very same door will open up again?
There are too many roads, too many doors, and only two of us...
Sunday, June 1 2003
Time
Time's
sure gone by... about a year ago this time I was graduating from college, I was
getting ready to move back to Italy.
I remember how horrible it used to feel, I remember not being able to sleep just thinking that I would soon be gone.
And time's gone away... I've had Petite for 1 year and a half, and Gnau has been gone for a while...
Today I went to eat at my parents' house and I saw her... you know, we had her cremated and put into this pretty porcelain box so she watches over us all the time, up on the book shelf. My mother had placed a package of pictures right under the box, and in this package there are the very last pictures we took of Gnau. Well, I never wanted to see them, afraid they would hurt too much.
And this afternoon I finally said ok, I want to see them. Gnau remains in my mind all the time, yet I had not thought about how fluffy her tail was, how she used to lie down on the couch, how much more orange her eyes used to look under the camera's flash.
Seeing
those pictures just showed me Gnau once again, and it felt as if she was right
there with me.
It is incredible how time goes by and things come to you and other things leave you. It is amazing how quickly seasons pass, and how quickly we grow and change with them.
